Heart to Heart Falling Into Reflection

By Karen Coney Coplin

The coming months in Naples bring a time of quiet transition as summer eases into fall. Hopefully, hurricane season will conclude without incident for us and for others.

As we move into this next season at a gentler pace, there is a thoughtful opportunity to think about what you may be carrying and what you might be ready to set down.

For me, reflection has become more than just a seasonal theme. Since last September, I have lost four dear family and friends and was reminded that grief doesn’t arrive like a single visitor. It comes in waves. Sometimes these are gentle and sometimes they feel like the tsunami that they are. But as powerful as that it is, it’s a reminder that love and friendship remains within, even when the physical person is gone.

And at the same time, two of my peers were diagnosed with brain cancer. Truly heavy stuff. It’s the kind of news that makes time feel both urgent and strangely slow. For me, it’s definitely a reminder to pay attention to life’s little challenges in a new way. Some things will matter more. And, I’ve also noticed that I can no longer pretend what doesn’t matter.

The backdrop of all of this: Naples continues to offer its own lessons. Storm season brings preparation and safety reminders. Even so, we can’t control everything, but we can always choose how to respond. We can reframe and rebuild, refresh and adjust. It’s a way of looking at our days from a different perspective.

We can return to the same routines and know that even in the familiar light, something inside has shifted.

This realization has shown up for me in different ways of changing, coping and accepting. I’m reminded of spring cleaning, though, as fall approaches, the idea of making room holds weight. Not just tackling my closet as I need to do, too, but clearing space in my heart. Opening up to what’s new while honoring the meaningful memories.

As with this column, one of the ways I know to do that is to write.

Recently I restarted journaling after attending a class about “Morning Pages,” at a locally owned bookstore, Books on Third. I first embraced this practice in 2019 when I was diagnosed with cancer myself. (This class was actually about a work of fiction derived from the actual a.m. practice of free writing.)

Back then, it felt like placing a hand on a railing while I felt unsteady. These pages didn’t take my fear and uncertainty away. But it gave me a place to tell the truth on paper. There was no need to argue about it but simply to accept it.

The concept of morning pages is one which show that I don’t have to react to every emotion. I don’t have to organize every memory in one sitting. Like the honoring the lives of those who have passed, it’s a way of bearing witness.

Sometimes these pages hold sadness. Then, there’s a spark of new possibility. And almost always, there’s a form of gratitude. Sometimes it arrives later than I like, but it’s welcome regardless.

With that, I remember my life is happening right now. It’s always possible to slow down and be present with the people that I’m lucky enough to love.

One of those is a girlfriend who began a second career as an attorney in town and she’s doing well. Amazingly so actually! It makes me especially happy that she’s not stopping at that threshold of “doing well.” She is exploring her creative side which feels a gift, her true nature. One of her passions is creating remarkable mirrors flanked by mussel and other shells. These often come from meals, leftovers in the most literal sense. Which she then transforms into something lasting and beautiful instead of being discarded.

Each mirror seems to hold both artistry and a place in time and space; a little Naples landscape gracing the walls at home.

This got me thinking that mirrors are about seeing a reflection of what’s in front of them. At the same time, they change the room around them by brightening spaces, stretching light, and inviting you to pay attention to the way you might show up.

In her mirrors, I see a message I’ve been living this past year. You can be reshaped and still shine bright. You can grieve and appreciate that we all have the power of creativity within us. You can carry love into newforms and with actions.

Some of these might be reconnecting with an old friend; checking on someone who has been a bit more quiet than usual; dropping a handwritten note or colorful postcard in the mail; inviting a neighbor to coffee; and encouraging or mentoring someone beginning a new chapter.

Right now, this is what loving kindness and reflection looks like to me. Writing in the morning and taking in the early light while birds sing around me. It looks like letting myself feel what’s inside without rushing to fix it. It looks like shifting my thoughts to lighten a heavy load. The truth be told, not everything needs to stay.

If you’ve lost someone, you can release the burden of carrying it as pain that never changes shape. If you’ve been living through a difficult diagnosis, it doesn’t mean that you abandon caution and medical advice. You can make space for laughter that will return (believe!) with the support of steady, funny friends and family.

We can all be hopeful and realistic at the same time, whatever our situation warrants.

For life in Naples, we’ve been good “after.” After storms and after the summer heat. Through all this we can look around and ask, what can I release and what can I return to?

As for myself, I’ll stay busy making room. I’ll move forward carrying love. I’ll be writing what weighs me down and what inspires me. I’ll keep myself honest in both regards. And, I’ll be watching renewal happen in the creative work of a dear friend.

That’s not a wish just for me, but for all of us. We probably will never find the perfect calm. With a steadier heart, though, we will all find ways in our own time to return to ourselves.

Here’s to a little more light and a little more room within us all. In lightening our load, we might find we have space and energy to lift someone else through a kind word or deed.

Please contact Karen at NaplesKCC@gmail.com with suggestions for future article coverage, which is often centered on charitable organizations in Naples and the programs/services these groups offer. Additionally, for more vignettes about life in Naples, give her a follow on Instagram @Naplesbythenumbersby