David Lawrence Centers True Generosity Begins with Caring for Yourself

By Jasmine 

By Jasmine Pagano,
Wellness Program Supervisor at DLC Wellness Institute
at David Lawrence Centers for Behavioral Health

Many of us have been taught that putting everyone else’s needs before our own is the best way to be a good friend, partner or employee. We worry that prioritizing our own needs will be perceived as selfish or unkind. Overtime, however, that mindset can take a toll, leading to burnout, resentment and strained relationships.

Making space for your own well-being and loving yourself isn’t selfish. It is a responsible choice that allows you to show up authentically and effectively for others.

Trying to show up for others when you’re not showing up for yourself is like pouring from an empty cup. Interactions can come from a place of exhaustion, impatience or frustration. The help you offer may come with underlying resentment, leaving everyone feeling drained.

When you’re rested and grounded, you have the capacity to respond thoughtfully rather than react. You are able to be present, empathetic and patient, allowing your support to feel more genuine.

One of the biggest hurdles to prioritizing personal well-being can be the overwhelming feeling of guilt. This guilt can stem from social norms, that often equate an individual’s willingness to put others’ needs over their own as a sign of their character or commitment. For people who define their value by how much they do for others, stepping back can feel uncomfortable or like a threat to their identity.

Others also worry that setting boundaries or saying no will lead to conflict, disappointment or confrontation.

In reality, the brief discomfort of setting boundaries is much less harmful than the long-term consequences of neglecting your own needs. Boundaries aren’t walls meant to keep people out, but rather guardrails to keep your relationships healthy.

Approaching boundaries with intention begins with recognizing them as a natural part of healthy communication and daily life. Some ways to improve our mindset around setting boundaries include:

Reframe “no” as “yes”: Remember that turning down an extra responsibility doesn’t make you selfish. It simply helps you protect the time and energy needed to follow through on your existing responsibilities.

Be clear and kind: Be firm when expressing your boundaries, while also being empathetic. Using phrases like “I appreciate the offer, but I’m unable to take on anything else right now,” or “I can commit to this, but not that,” helps set expectations without being dismissive.

Accept some discomfort: Disappointment is a natural part of honest communication but honoring your limits ultimately allows you to engage with greater presence, stability and consistency.

As you make adjustments to support your own well-being, it’s important to remember that loving yourself is not a reward to be earned. It’s a basic requirement for functioning well in your daily life.

Taking care of yourself looks different for everyone and should be tailored to your individual needs. It may include prioritizing consistent sleep, taking a day off when rest is needed, journaling to process stress, talking openly with someone you trust, reading to unwind or learn something new or investing in personal or professional growth.

When you give yourself the care and attention you need, you become more resilient and steadier. You become better equipped to show up with intention and clarity for your loved ones. Loving yourself isn’t about choosing you over others. It’s about including yourself among the people you care for.

To learn more about the work DLC is doing to provide lifesaving and life-changing behavioral health care to those in need, visit DLCenters.org