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David Lawrence Centers

Expectations vs. Reality:

The Art of

Managing Expectations

NCH Announced

the Launch of its Advanced Heart Failure and

Solid Organ Transplant Program

By Hailey De Los Santos,
at David Lawrence Centers for Behavioral Health
t’s natural to have an idea or vision for how When you catch yourself thinking, “how could this happen?” or
we want our days, careers, relationships “why did I let this happen?” it can help to pause and consider what
Iand lives to unfold. Even when those is actually in your control. Even in areas where we have influence,
expectations are realistic, they aren’t always outcomes aren’t always guaranteed.
met. When that happens, it can bring up Expectations are often tied to our hopes, goals and personal
strong emotions, especially during periods of experiences. Understanding where they come from can help us better
heightened stress. Frustration, sadness and manage our reactions when they aren’t met. For example, a desire for
anger are all common responses when reality a clean and tidy home may reflect a need for structure, pride in your
doesn’t align with what we had hoped for. environment or past experiences that shape your values. Everyone’s
The answer isn’t to eliminate expectations altogether. They help expectations are different, but recognizing their origins can make it
shape our preferences, reflect our ambitions and give us a sense easier to accept when reality looks different.
of purpose. Instead, it is more helpful to build resilience when From a young age, many of us imagine what our future will look
expectations fall short. That means focusing on what is within your like, from careers to homeownership to family life. Setting personal
control, staying flexible and approaching yourself with compassion. goals is important, but so is the ability to adjust them overtime. What
We’ve all heard the phrase, “when life gives you lemons, you felt certain as a six-year-old might not be realistic today. That doesn’t
make lemonade.” While simple, it reflects an important truth. We mean we have failed. Grounding in reality, while allowing them to
can’t control everything that happens to us, but we can control how evolve can lead to greater satisfaction and less disappointment.
we think about and respond to those experiences. This perspective Learning to manage expectations is an ongoing process. By
may not come naturally to everyone. While many stories center on focusing on what we can control, understanding the origins of our
characters trying to change outcomes beyond their control, they also hopes, and allowing space for change, we build emotional resilience.
serve as a reminder to recognize our limits. Life will always include the unexpected, but with flexibility, self-
American educator and author Stephen Covey, breaks this down awareness and compassion, we can meet those moments with greater
this idea through three circles: clarity and confidence. Expectations don’t need to disappear; they
Inner Circle, The Circle of Control: Things you have direct simply need room to evolve along with us.
power over, such as your thoughts, reactions, behaviors, words and To learn more about the work DLC is doing to provide lifesaving and
actions. life-changing behavioral health care to those in need, visit DLCenters.org
Middle Circle, The Circle of Influence: Spaces where you
have some control, like relationships, health, occupations and your
capacity to influence the thoughts or opinions of others.
Outer Circle, The Circle of Concern: Things outside of your
control like weather, the past, the economy or other people’s actions.

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