Page 47 - August Life In Naples Magazine

The ability to make
friends is important who live with partners and families,
socialize with friends more. Proximity
for success in life— and availability matter. Interaction is

both personal and more likely with whomever is closer—
family or friends.
professional. Surprisingly, friends are also very
important to married people or those
living with a romantic partner. Being
with friends is often not only the
most pleasant time, but also the time
when one is less likely to experience
to isolation. Despite our current era of hyper-communication negative feelings. Do you ever wonder why people complain
and constant stimulation, loneliness persists because much of the that they have to attend a family function? Very few folks
messaging we receive is just noise, not particularly personal, useful, complain about attending a friends’ party.
or unique to one individual. In fact, we tune out and sort through We do choose our friends, and we are assigned our
many of the incoming communications to focus on developing family—how nice when we like both similarly. Families
pertinent information and meaningful relationships. have long histories, some of which might not be the best to
As our society has evolved with markedly increased mobility remember. Friendships are typically shorter in duration and
among family members, friends have become more important. wouldn’t persist if not mutually beneficial. We also demand
A hundred years ago, except for mass migrations, most families less from friends than we do from families or romantic
stayed together, with many multi-generational families working partners. When friends don’t satisfy our needs, we can move
side-by-side in family owned businesses or farms. Sharing recipes on easily because we have not over-invested.
and tools, caring for grandparents and grandchildren, as well as Two working parents with children are typically the
enjoying long-established family holiday traditions are all part of a most stressed of all. Caring for family first, then working,
wonderful but almost lost tradition. followed by caring for each other leave little time for friends.
More commonly now-a-days, generations are physically However, busy moms and dads would do well to continue to
separated by plane trips. Even though Skype and Facetime are develop friendships because eventually the kids grow up and
easily accessible for most people, these communication devices are appropriately desire independence.
not great for intimate or substantial conversations. Friends now Friends’ influence is underappreciated and, in our current
substitute for family members. society, may be more important than families’ interaction. If
Students who have gone through vocational, college, or post- one is separated from family, friends—whether professional
graduate education together share similar experiences and may or personal—fill the gap. We are, after all, social beings.
continue to share relationships that were previously reserved for Children’s friendships are interesting in their own right.
family members. Initial work acquaintances quite commonly With no “built-in” playmate, “only” children may be more
develop into strong friends. likely to seek out a special friend. Alternatively, preschoolers
The newer style among college students and young working who have trouble making friends are also not as good at being
adults is to have many friendships, some of which include supportive to younger siblings. Later in life, when making
romantic relationships depending upon age and gender, according professional friends is important for success, these children,
to Friendfluence. Interestingly, according to the same author, the now grown, may suffer. The ability to make friends is important
median age for first marriage is still rising. In 2010, it was 28.7 for success in life—both personal and professional.
for men and 26.5 for women up from 27.5 and 25.9 in 2006, Illicit drug use, smoking, obesity, and early sexual activity
respectively. One hundred million adults, almost half of all adults, are all highly influenced by friends’ behavior. Enrolling
are divorced or widowed and 55 percent of these folks are opting a child in the “right” school is more important than just
out of remarrying. academic achievement. Behavior, both good and bad, depends
More people live alone now than in any time ever in history on the environment populated by friends as well as parents.
according to Sociologist Eric Klinenberg. At least 40 percent From preschool with parallel play (namely toddlers
of adults in major metropolitan cities are singles. The ability physically co-located but each doing his/her own thing) to
to thrive alone now, as opposed to “olden times” when prairie young adults with platonic or romantic relationships to adults
hardships required a functional multigenerational family, markedly of all ages with personal and professional contacts—all have
diminishes the incentive to “hook up.” and need elements of worthwhile friendships. Families matter
When we are not in traditional family structures, friends fill the for sure, but don’t underestimate friendships. Friendship
vacancies. Single people, whether young or old, as opposed to those matters at all ages.

Life in Naples | Aug/Sept/Oct 2018 47