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by Lois Bolin, Ph.D., Old Naples Historian

ost of us do it every day without In these moments, listening becomes just as powerful as
giving it a second thought, yet speaking.
Mtalking is a uniquely human ability. Quiet Honors A Story
Humans possess highly evolved brains capable And this is where my story begins.
of processing complex language and syntax, Remember the old television commercial: When E.F. Hutton
and we can produce a vast range of sounds talks—people listen. That’s exactly how I feel about Brenda Melton,
and tones that allow us to form hundreds of founder of the Celebrity Martini Glass Auction (CMGA), a creative
thousands of words. and impactful fundraiser that significantly supported Naples
To make these sounds—and to speak at all—humans use the veterans.
same basic anatomical tools as chimpanzees: lungs, throat, voice The auction began in 2008 when Melton invited friends to
box, tongue, and lips. But while chimps vocalize, humans sing design martini glasses inspired by Sex and the City. What started as
opera, deliver speeches, whisper secrets, and hold conversations a fun idea evolved into a beloved charity event. Its final tribute took
across continents. Over thousands of years, human evolution has place in April 2022, marking more than a decade of meaningful
given us a longer throat and a smaller mouth, both better suited community support.
for shaping sound and producing articulate speech. Brenda, along with Linda Shiapro Meak and Patti Cox Erwood,
In short, we are wired to communicate. invited several women to coffee at Grappino to discuss an initiative
The Benefits of Gabbing aptly named ‘Let the Voice Be Heard’.
Rumormongers. Chatterboxes. Busybodies. (Sigh.) Gossipers These charity mavens had extraordinary stories—and even better
rarely get flattering labels. Yet emerging research suggests that advice—to share. Brenda opened the conversation with her poem,
gossip may not deserve its bad reputation after all. "I Have Something Important to Say" (and did she ever). Patti
A theoretical study conducted by researchers at the University followed with her sweet Southern voice flowing like warm honey
of Maryland and Stanford University argues that gossip can over steaming cornbread. She reminded the charity “sistas” to set
actually serve an important social function. Defined as the listening expectations, noting that people don’t chat during speeches
exchange of personal information about absent third parties, to be rude—it’s usually out of habit.
gossip can provide a social benefit by spreading information That’s when the word epidemic came to mind.
about reputations. This allows people to identify cooperative Having lived in this paradise for more than 45 years and
individuals while avoiding those who may be selfish or attended more events than “Carter has little liver pills” (another
untrustworthy. classic commercial), I believe we’ve reached a tipping point.
While previous theories suggested gossip helps bond large Patti Cox Erwood addressed the issue of side-talking or phone
groups and encourage cooperation, this research sheds light on use while a speaker is addressing an audience. In a Facebook post,
the individual advantage: sharing information can help people she noted that it disturbs those trying to listen and dilutes the
navigate social environments more wisely. Sometimes, talking message—for the speaker, the audience, and ultimately, the mission
isn’t just idle chatter—it’s social intelligence at work. itself.
Gala Gabbing As Patti so simply put it, “We are trying to bring awareness
Of course, knowing when to talk is just as important as to people to be respectful and to let the voice be heard”—without
knowing why we talk. alienating donors.
The purpose of a charity gala is to raise funds, educate Sheila Zellars said it best: “Be present in the present.” Something
attendees about a cause, and elevate awareness for an magical happens when generosity is paired with reverence.
organization’s mission. Conversation plays a vital role in all There was a plethora of blue-ribbon ideas and thoughtful quotes
three—when done thoughtfully. shared on how to delicately address this issue—one that seems to
Jean Shafiroff, a renowned philanthropist and author of arise whenever people with shared values gather with open hearts
Successful Philanthropy: How to Make a Life by What You Give, and honest voices. Funny how that happens.
outlines essential etiquette for galas: To learn more about the Let the Voice Be Heard: A Blue-Ribbon
When seated at the dinner table, avoid texting or talking on Initiative, please contact Brenda Melton at gsbn3971@gmail.com.
your phone. If necessary, excuse yourself and step away. See Dr. Bolin on 239LIVE!
A good guest engages in conversation with others—but never Podcast every Friday morning at 8 a.m.
during speeches or formal remarks.

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