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Or, if you are like me, you are an orphan. This status is conferred
regardless of one's age. My parents passed from cancer in 2007.
Sometimes those 15 years seem like a lifetime ago and other times,
more like yesterday.
Often, and more so as time goes on, I play little games with my
routines to keep their traditions alive in my heart and to share with
my daughters, who were just 8 and 4, then 5, when my father passed
seven months before my mother did.
As Maria Shriver once wrote (paraphrased): "Motherhood and
fatherhood is a job done everywhere, and it never stops, even when
the mother and father are gone."
Fortunately, my folks were both alive for Mother's Day 2007 and
I treasure the message they left, almost in unison, on an answering
machine.
"Oh hi honey, it's Mom and Dad here wishing you a happy
Mother's Day and sending you love." Once they became
grandparents, the tables were turned and I always heard from them
first on Mother's and Father's Day.
Naturally we spoke later that evening, never imagining that my
father would live just nine more days. Surprisingly, I managed
to keep it together for Father's Day 2007, in part because I was
especially solicitous of my mom, and together we rode the waves of
For Moms and Dads grief.
In those dark hours, I remember the tenderness of friends and
family who came to my side and essentially "mothered" me. And
though we have traditionally looked to fathers as providers, they are
and those just like them caregivers too.
For all the men and women who offer others support and loving
kindness, advice and encouragement, thank you. The world needs
by Karen Coney Coplin more people like you in the lives of children as well as those needing
mothering or fathering.
ove makes a difference, and this is And not just on Mother's Day or Father's Day. Every single day.
especially true on Mother's Day and Karen can be reached at Napleskcc@gmail.com or
LFather's Day. @naplesbythenumbers on Instagram, where her adventures of
Still, there are many reasons that people Life in Naples are documented.
might feel uncertain and unbalanced or even Send along your ideas for future articles or comments on this one.
melancholy and depressed as these special
Sundays draw near.
You, or someone you know, may have
weathered the unfathomable loss of a child. This is heart searing
whether the loss is long ago or is more recent.
If this loss has occurred to someone you know or care about,
please don't hesitate to give them special attention. The love for
their child is enduring, and some gentle words may shine a small
light on a very dark spot.
If a loss such as this has happened to you, well, I have no words
except to say how profoundly sorry I am as you travel on a lifelong
grief journey.
There are many other reasons that people might feel off-center
on Mother's Day or Father's Day. A miscarriage, health issues
affecting your abilities or those of your child, family estrangement,
and, even, lost or changing expectations in our world today all bear
upon reflections many consider as Mother's Day and Father's Day
approach.
Still others may grieve their inability to have children, a
daunting and often private burden. And, some women may
experience complications during birth, turning a joyfully
anticipated experience into one of trauma and recovery.

46 Life in Naples | May, June, July 2022