Page 80 - April 2017 Life In Naplles Magazine

No Help

Wanted

by Sandra Lee Buxton
O ffering assistance to
anyone has its challenges,
however when that person
is a family member, it can feel like
a roller coaster ride. This emotional
experience is more difficult when a
memory deficit or processing problem
is part of the mix. Parents continue
to see their offspring as a child, a
meddling child at that, and a spouse, well that takes on
a life of its own. There are no cookie cutter solutions or
one fail safe plan, but here are some barriers to be aware
of. Monitor voice tones and facial expressions during
conversation since that will be “heard” louder than words.
Also be mindful that in dealing with memory deficits, your
world and the other persons reality are totally different,
less how to manage your life. Friction is to be expected especially
both are deemed to be “right.”
if it come from an adult child to a parent or many times a wife to
• Accept that the situation is difficult and that you are
her husband. Loss of control is terrifying, and to be told to give up
not happy.
your home or to stop driving is a devastating message.
Try to understand where the frustration is coming
• Avoid the power play and threats.
from. It can be an anger issue from offenses actual or
The person to whom you are speaking will bristle and stop
perceived recent or from years gone by. It is not unusual
listening. Angry people can’t hear, so use periods of silence if there
that resentment be felt that involvement is necessary at
is an emotional flare up. It also closes communication “to tell it like
all. A undercurrent of stress is magnified if you are caring
it is” the individual will become defensive and “push back” further.
for a person who is not a “nice” person and maybe never
• Engage the services of an outside professional.
has been.
An authority figure can provide the same information as
• Use empathy by putting yourself in their place.
the adult child or spouse but it will be received differently. It
As an adult it is difficult to be told what to do much
is perceived that the outsider really wants to help and family
80 Life in Naples | April 2017